Episode 45

Published on:

17th Feb 2023

045: Alice Shikina - Money, Divorce, & Mediation

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Alice Shikina is an international speaker, negotiation coach, and divorce mediator. She’s the author of the book, Negotiating with Your Kids. Alice is passionate about helping people out of conflict and moving forward with their lives.

Today, Jonathan and Alice talk all about marriage, divorce, and navigating the difficult topic of finances throughout the two. Alice talks about the importance of acknowledgement and communication, and provides insights on how to approach your marriage as a business partnership.

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Key Takeaways

00:48 – Jonathan introduces today’s guest, Alice Shikina, who joins the show to share her unique experience being shielded from money at an early age

08:33 – Alice’s career trajectory, from theatre to divorce mediation

13:01 – Statistics on divorce

17:07 – Why financial literacy is a critical skill to have in a relationship

20:38 – Joint vs. separate accounts

26:39 – How to prepare yourself for the ‘business partnership’ of a marriage

30:52 – Prenups, postnups, and other strategies for cultivating a healthy ‘business partnership’

34:34 – The power of acknowledgement

37:42 – Approaching money as a team

44:54 – Alice’s 8-week negotiating and communication course

48:24 – One piece of financial advice for couples to heed and one thing to completely ignore

51:07 – Alice’s latest course, Design Your Own Divorce

52:51 – The last thing Alice changed her mind about and the most impactful place Alice ever visited

55:08 – Jonathan thanks Alice for joining the show today and lets listeners know where to connect with her

Tweetable Quotes

“For those people who don’t know the difference between arbitration and mediation, arbitration is basically a private trial. So, you don’t go into the public court system. You hire a private judge, who is the arbitrator, and you do everything privately.” (11:53) (Alice)

“It is very interesting to note that if I’m mediating alimony from a husband to a wife, usually they want to be fair and talk about it. Usually when I mediate alimony from a wife to a husband, everyone is bitter.” (15:18) (Alice)

“If there is a partner who is not as financially literate, it would be extremely beneficial for them to get a financial coach so that they can at least feel somewhat comfortable looking at a spreadsheet. And the other thing is budget! So many people do not create a family budget.” (19:37) (Alice)

“I have noticed that when people come from marriages where they only have a joint account and they only had a joint account for several decades, there’s a lot of fear about splitting it up and opening a brand new account. Of course they do it, but I can tell it feels very uncomfortable for people.” (22:17) (Alice)

“Communication is a huge reason why people get divorced. I see it all the time. And they come to me and say, ‘Yeah, we’re getting a divorce because our communication is terrible.’” (34:02) (Alice)

“What happens is that either people aren’t listening to one another or they haven’t learned how to acknowledge what the other person is saying. We’re all humans walking around the planet wishing to be acknowledged, and it doesn’t happen as much as it should. If you can acknowledge what your spouse is saying to you, even if it’s contentious, you will go a long, long way to saving your marriage.” (34:34) (Alice)

“I feel like having that premarital mediation is critical because it’s not about how we’re going to split the assets if we get a divorce. It’s about how do we as a family think about money? Where do our values lie? Are our values in alignment? And then you can talk about that and it will really cement your relationship because you want to make sure that you’re putting yourselves on the same path.” (48:47) (Alice)

“If you have two strong negotiators, you are more likely to get to a ‘win-win’ than if you have two weak negotiators. Strong negotiators understand it is about getting to the ‘win-win.’ It is about getting to a deal that everyone is happy with.” (52:02) (Alice)

Guest Resources

Alice’s LinkedIn

Alice’s Website

Alice’s Facebook

Alice’s YouTube

Design Your Own Divorce

Mindful Money Resources

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Jonathan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jonathandeyoe


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About the Podcast

Mindful Money
Do you struggle with money? You’re not alone.
Money is a means, not an end. It’s a necessity of life for sure, but more money does not always guarantee a “good life”. Money enables many aspects of modern life, but as a dominant consideration it becomes destructive. 
The paradox is that more time and energy spent on personal finance does NOT create better outcomes. Unlike many other parts of life, we can’t create better outcomes by being smarter, spending more time, or putting in more effort.
Join Mindful Money author and experienced 40-year investor Jonathan DeYoe as he shares stories from artists, authors, entrepreneurs, and other advisors about how they mindfully minimize their need to think about money and get more out of life.
If you aren’t happy with your finances, feel like money takes more time that it should, or want to place your financial decisions into the broader context of your life, this show is for you. 
Each episode will draw the line between the “enough” activities that the academics tell us are additive to family outcomes, and those “little bit more” efforts that take time and sap energy, but do NOT improve outcomes.

About your host

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Jonathan DeYoe

Jonathan DeYoe is a best-selling author, speaker, financial advisor and angel investor. He is a husband, father and a practicing Buddhist. His simple underlying message brings a welcomed sense of order to financial chaos and restores a calm center to your financial life.